If you’re a Buddhist, the idea that Karma = Santa Claus might seem like a pretty false analogy. And yet Scientific American (!) blogger John Horgan writes that,

Buddhism, at least in its traditional forms, is functionally theistic, even if it doesn’t invoke a supreme deity. The doctrines of karma and reincarnation imply the existence of some sort of cosmic moral judge who, like Santa Claus, tallies up our naughtiness and niceness before rewarding us with nirvana or rebirth as a cockroach.

I did not know that. Huh. Huzzah, Science!

Horgan writes lots of other things, too. I wonder what you’ll think of them.

As both Sports Illustrated and CNN are reporting:

Shortly after the Los Angeles Lakers annihilated the Cleveland Cavaliers 112-57 last night, LeBron James took to Twitter to vent a little frustration and kick his former team while it was down.

“Crazy. Karma is a bitch. Gets you every time. Its (sic) not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!” he tweeted.

Newsworthy? Absolutely not. But it is maybe worth repeating that “karma” is not about come-uppance. And it’s definitely not a “bitch.” (Maybe it’s time to cut down on our lazy use of that word already, huh?) Now, perhaps — like LeBron and so many others — you don’t really know what it means. No need to be embarrassed; this archived post from good ol’ Nate at the Precious Metal blog will clear things up, at least as far as Buddhists’ use of the word goes.

January 14th update: Gawker’s getting in on the act, with this Jersey Shore report, in which the “guidos” go to [the club] “Karma, their ritualistic mating grounds.”

Big thanks to  the reader (who shall remain anonymous) who sends this one on:

“[I met this guy who] started a new tequila company called Karma Tequila. I played dumb and asked him what karma was, and he said, ’cause and effect.’ And I asked what cause and effect had to do with a name for a tequila brand, and he just said that it was the only name that they all agreed sounded great. So no reason, really. He did mention that, in the name of karma, the company gives back some of their proceeds to causes.

“I exercised a lot of control trying to keep my trap shut when he was going off about the name: ‘Imagine it branching out into branded cocktails: the Karmatini, the Karmapolitan, and get this … the Karmarita!’ I almost keeled over!”

…Yes, folks: “Karma Tequila.” Of course, right? …and you can see it on their site, here. I particularly like the “store” which includes the simple selling-line, “Buy Karma.” (Okay, maybe “like” isn’t the right word…)

Thanks to reader Joseph B for this new Dharma-Burger:

“My wife and I went into Lush yesterday to pick something up for our friend. On the way out, I noticed a pile of red soap bars by the door with a big sign, “Karma Soap.” The large round red blocks they were cast in have a pattern on top reminiscent of a Dharma Wheel. I just checked their website and found a whole range of Karma products . I also noticed most of them have ‘Patchouli’ listed as an ingredient. Patchouli… Hippies…. Karma… maybe that’s what the connection they’re going for?? Reminds me of a bad joke!”

And this one comes by way of the mighty Sam DeWitt.

His simple comment: “for whatever might be ailing your Karma.”

Thanks, Joseph and Sam!

Dig this satirical look at the marketing of karma. Off-base? Or a near-spot-on gaze into the crystal ball?

Thanks to Laura Cunningham at Wisdom for the tip.

Apparently, being “on a mission to sweeten the world” has worked for the makers of Good Karmal, who are out of stock and not shipping any product again until January rolls around. The candies they make are “all natural flavored caramels, wrapped in positive quotations.” Though the quotations are not necessarily Buddhist, at least the company is contributing to “good karma” by donating proceeds to various charities concerned with preserving the environment.

And here’s one from the mighty (and apparently, slightly Scrooge-like ) Konchog Norbu. He writes:

“…yet another hokey use of meditation imagery. Because, really, nothing says Eco-Christmas like fake meditation postures in rainbow toe socks. Bah.”

Thanks as always, Konchog!

And while we’re talking Dharmic dubiosity: you may or may not have seen yesterday’s New York Times piece, “Obama’s Zen State, Well, It’s Hawaiian.” What did it have to do with Zen? You guessed it, but Elephant’s Waylon Lewis gives a breakdown here.

Yes: this is a real cover for a real album (Karma. Bloody. Karma.), by a real band — the notorious Cattle Decapitation.

With a name like that, you might think that these guys, who play metal in the death-metal/grindcore vein, are insensitive, bloodthirsty goons. But nope. They’re actually really quite concerned with such things as animal rights, vegetarianism, and the ecology.

The cover depicts a six-armed, knife-wielding, bull-headed figure that’s quite obviously a nod to the wrathful deities of tantric Buddhism (and also some of the gods of Hinduism).

It’s even levitating, in meditation, over the slaughterhouse drain. Strangely, it’s kind of a nice touch…

[This one's a "Dharma-Burger Classic," which is to say it's from our old, now-defunct blog. But maybe it's new to you?]

Reader Konchog Norbu writes: “Got maybe an obvious Dharma Burger: Karma Restaurant in DC, maybe 17th & K?  You’ll notice in the sign that they tout their ‘Karmargarita.’ Oy vey.

“On a more serious note, I thought y’all’d be interested in the fact that my teacher, the American tulku Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo, is making some really cool music, incorporating Dharma concepts, mantra, etc. Her “Revolution of Compassion” CD is forthcoming. It’s out this month. Love it if you could link this page.”

Glad to, KN, Hear it here.

Thanks yet again to Jordan of Slow Zen: Asura Dharma for another great ‘Burger: this one’s the Nike “Karma” golf ball. So what makes it “karmic”? Well, according to this review, “When golfers need more good KARMA to carry [their ball] over a lake, bunker or any other obstacle that can get in the way of a good shot, the KARMA ball will provide them with renewed confidence with its new 312 dimple design that delivers high trajectory. …Nike Golf consciously has packaged the KARMA ball with 50% recycled content. The packaging itself triggers a connection to the earth combined with a sophisticated look.”

(Zzzzzz…)

Unless you live outside America, or in a monastery, or under a rock, you probably pass by a Gap clothing store frequently, and have seen the window display they’ve been employing lately. (Reader Gary Steinberg graciously sends this photo just in case you haven’t seen it:)

The Worst Horse has surreptitiously obtained a transcript of the merchandising meeting in which this campaign was developed. At great risk, we share it with you here.

Merchandising Manager: “So. It’s an election year. What do we put in the windows?”

Merchandising Lackey: “How about the old standby: ‘[Blank] for President’? We can make oversized buttons and flags. Just like a real campaign!”

Manager: “But everybody does that every four years.”

Lackey: “That’s because it’s easy.  And, it works.”

Manager: “Oooh, good point. Okay, then, what would the ‘blank’ be? What would the buttons say? We need to look hip, but we can’t afford to look like we’re taking sides. The slogans on the buttons would have to seem non-partisan and universal.”

Lackey: “Well, how about ‘Peace’? Everybody likes peace, don’t they? At least they say they do.”

Manager: “That’s a start. But we needs something edgier. Something trendier.”

Lackey: “Oh! Oh! I know! Buddhism and Eastern Religion are really trendy these days, just like ‘revolution’ once was. What if some of the oversized button graphics said something like, ‘Vote for Karma’?”

Manager: “I like the sound of it, but I have to admit that I don’t really know what ‘karma’ means.”

Lackey: “Neither do I. I don’t think anyone does. But it sure is a popular buzzword these days. I was reading online about how it sells everything from yogurt and energy bars to luxury cars.”

Manager: “Works for me. Keep it up and you just might get that dollar raise you’ve been bugging me about.”