It is once again the Horse’s pleasure and honor to share with you a teaching from Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Born Geoffrey DeGraff and now known to many simply as “Than Geoff” or “Ajaan Geoff,” he was ordained in Thailand in 1976, and studied with Ajaan Fuang Jotiko, a teacher of the Thai Forest Tradition, until the latter’s death in 1986. In 1991, Than Geoff returned to the U.S. to help establish Metta Forest Monastery in the hills of northern San Diego County. He has translated several meditation guides from the Forest Tradition, and is the author of many books and articles available on accesstoinsight.org and dhammatalks.org, where MP3 files of his Dhamma talks are also available.

Than Geoff is such a gifted and plain-spoken teacher. And thanks to his generosity, the Horse is fortunate to be able to share this teaching of his with you. So now, with no further ado…

Shoot Your Pains with Wisdom
by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

There’s a passage where the Buddha describes how a wise person and a foolish person differ in the way they react to pain. They both feel pain. Awakened people get sick, they grow ill, and they die just like regular people. But they react in a different way. The foolish person, when struck by a pain, reacts in a way that adds more pain. The classic analogy is of being shot by one arrow and then turning around to shoot yourself with another arrow — although it’s always struck me that the classic image is too weak. Actually, you shoot yourself with your whole quiver. Whatever arrows you’ve got, you shoot yourself with them all, and no wonder you suffer. The wise person, however, doesn’t fire those extra arrows at all.

What this means is that when you find yourself suffering over something, you’ve got to look at which arrows are coming from outside and which ones are the ones you’re shooting. This comes down to a fairly abstract principle that the Buddha mentions in another passage — that when you experience a feeling of any sort, pleasant or painful, part of it is just a potential for the feeling coming from your past karma; the rest is the way you actualize that potential with your present intentions, your present karma. You fabricate the potential into an actual feeling of pleasure or pain.

In other words, we’re not totally passive in our experience of pleasure and pain. Life is not a TV show, where you passively watch whatever’s going to happen, and the show will go on whether you watch it or not. It’s more like an interactive video game. Only when you participate can the game progress. Some things you can’t change in the game, such as the ground rules, but some things you can. (more…)

Thought we’d share a note from Miriam Hall (herspiral) to Horse readers, in return for all the favors she’s done us:

“Thank you to all who have so far bought a copy (or copies!) of my brand-new, first run chapbook, At Home Here, to be published on 4/10/09 by Finishing Line Press.

“You still have a chance to order it in pre-sales state, which helps me in terms of number of copies they print. You certainly can get a hold of a copy after 2/27, and even after it’s printed, but the more you buy now the more total number will get printed.

“You can order online at www.finishinglinepress.com and click on ‘new releases.”

Cool, Miriam, and good luck with it!

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for making the Horse so much fun.

As we leave 2008 behind, it might be good for us to recall this short teaching that the mighty Ethan Nichtern so kindly shared with us last year. It may be four full seasons later now, but Ethan’s ideas and encouragement are evergreen.

Have a positive, safe, excellent ‘09.

Update: Seems our friend Waylon H. Lewis has his own list of proposed resolutions we might all make, up on Huffington Post. Read it and send him a little love.

How should one Buddhist sign off on an email to another Buddhist? It’s no big deal, right? Wrong. It is way more complicated than you might imagine.

Are you SURE about that?

You see, when I was an administrator at a dharma center, I wrote between 20 and 40 emails a day, many of which were navigating complex issues of a sensitive and personal nature. The standard sign-off from one Buddhist to another in the vipassana/Theravada lineage in the West is “metta,” the Pali word for the brahma vihara of loving-kindness. The problem is that “metta” has become used so frequently-in fundraising letters, in memos, etc.– that it has become the equivalent of “sincerely.” The reader (at least this reader!) doesn’t necessarily expect that the writer really has taken a moment to send loving-kindness to all 20,000 people on the mailing list. Perhaps we intend it more as a dharma-insiders’ handshake.

But because “metta” is over-used, at some point staff people, teachers, and even students began using “love.” This really bothers me because some people sign “love” when I cannot imagine they love me. How could they? All I did was help them register for a course, or something similarly administrative. But then I am stuck: they signed love, if I don’t write “love” back, then am I giving them a cold shoulder? And if I do write “love”, then am I validating something I am not sure I agree with?

And believe it or not, because “love” is used so much, if you use “metta” you are being pretty chilly. For example, one of my dearest, bestest friends also worked in this dharma organization. However, I didn’t always agree with her ideas and from time to time we would get a bit worked up about things. Naturally, some of our emails were tense. I always try to be sincere in my signoffs, so while I normally would sign “love” to her, if I was aggrieved, I would sign “metta.” Signing “metta” meant that I did NOT sign “love” and that meant that I was actually pretty pissed off and that meant that when I wrote “metta” I did not mean metta. I was just trying to see if I could conjure it.

There’s one signoff that is between “metta” and “love,” and that is “with love.” “With love” means that you are just sending the letter with love but you are not making a statement about the whole relationship. I like to use “with love” when there’s something difficult for the other person and I want them to know I empathize.

The dear friend I mentioned before has found a good solution for signoffs among close dharma friends. She does “xo” for “hugs and kisses.” The problem is that when she’s really pleased with something or with me, she does more x’s and o’s. “Oh, I loved the birthday card you sent me! Xxxxxoooooo.” So if she uses just one xo, I am not sure if she’s feeling peeved or in a hurry or what. I will actually take a moment to notice if it’s xo or xxoo or xxxooo. I use “xo” myself now, but sometimes people for whom English is not a first language are left a bit baffled (I tried explaining it to my Korean husband, only to realize I had no idea why x=kiss and o=hug). And, it is also a tricky signoff if I am writing to a man who isn’t my husband!

My Zen friend Josh uses emoticons [or, "graticons,"] which is also a good solution. Here’s a bow: /|\. Bows are a nice way of ending a letter. The students from the Zen tradition often do “Gassho”, which is a bow, but like “metta” you run into all kinds of nuances with that, too. Since “gassho” is commonly used, I wonder if the Zennies too are using “love” among themselves!

Personally, I have settled on two solutions. One is to simply mirror the signoff the other person did, with the exception of “love.” I always feel relief when the person doesn’t do any signoff or does the beautifully simple “Best.” The Protestant New Englander in me really appreciates restraint, so that when something is really worth expressing a feeling about, it’s all the more meaningful. If someone has been using “best” for a long time and then shifts to “with love” I am gratified by the deepening of our relationship. My other preference is to sign off with “Gratefully.” Before I do, I check with myself to see if I really am grateful. Many of my emails are about needing something, asking something, and I truly will be grateful if the person can write back with the something that I need. My only worry with “Gratefully” is that it might seem like I’m trying too hard to be humble. No one likes pretentiousness.

Some of my least favorite signoffs are “take care” and “peace.” I think “take care” implies that the person has forgotten to take care of themselves and you, who knows better, are reminding them. “Peace” feels too 60s and I am not one to imitate. The one signoff that truly gratifies me is from a monk I know who signs with “Peace and Joy.” I like it because he greets me (and all others) with “Peace and Joy, Sumi!” and you can tell he really means it. So when he signs his letters, it’s like he’s really there beaming peace and joy at me.

You are probably thinking that I am insane or obsessive or have too much time on my hands. Perhaps. But the signoff is a statement of where you think the receiver stands in your pecking order of acquaintances, colleagues, friends, dear friends, and dearest friends. That matters. Moreover, we all know that email tends to intensify or misconstrue what people really mean. The signoff, which we often notice, is like the aftertaste of a letter. If the taste is nice, that can change the interpretation entirely. So, bon apetite, dear dharma friends, and, as my characteristically irreverent Zenophile friend Josh recently signed off,

Boogers,

Sumi

Sumi Loundon Kim is the spawn of Zen nuts and spent a good portion of her childhood in a Zen commune. Bewildered by normal people, she went on a search for her identity, which resulted in two books, Blue Jean Buddha: Voices of Young Buddhists and The Buddha’s Apprentices: More Voices of Young Buddhists. She has a Master’s degree in Buddhist Studies from Harvard Divinity School, and was until recently the associate director at the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies in Barre, MA. Sumi teaches mindfulness practice to young people in Asia and America, and writes often on young adults’ encounters with Buddhism and meditation.